Would I had known you

My Father,
we had 38 years.
Would I had known you.

But under the bluster
and fury was a
silence born long
before me.

It would be better
for a son to
respect his Father,
and still I try
to foster it.

But, I never knew you.

Your death took longer
then most.
Smeared across 15 years,
losing your brain
one chunk at a time.

Till at the last you were
a half-frozen wretch
with no language
and no pride.

My Father,
would I had known you.
I watched your last breath
with dry eyes.
Even as a terror rose within me.

I would never know you.
We would never play catch.
I would never know
the strength of your hug
or your wisdom of years.

The Father I wanted.
The Father I could have.
The Father you were.
All dying, all dying, all gone.